Holonet

We have a great deal of fun messing with each other via email between games. Below is a transcript of a common day's communiqué's...

----------

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to know if we were going to try and play this weekend. I am doing a lot of work on the Star Wars Master folder [keep your hands off Rez!!!]. Looking forward to the next game session. We will have to do some LAN gaming sometime as well.

- Emperor PalpaDave

-----------

Keep your hands off Rez?! I like it when he games with us, man, but manhandling him has never been an issue before...

Har!

- Abek

-----------

OK for one thing, feel free to beat and otherwise manhandle Rez, just on principle alone he deserves it.

- PalpaDave

----------

I'm brandishing my railgun.

Railgun

Model: Lan Ships Railgun
Type: Railgun
Scale: Starfighter
Skill: Starship Gunnery
Cost: 1,500 credits
Availability: 2
Fire Control: 1D
Space Range: 1-2/7/15
Atmosphere Range: 100-200/700/1.5 km
Damage: 3D
Game Notes: The railgun is a 'silent' weapon, firing it produces only a small trace on most sensors. As a projectile weapon the railgun ignores particle shields.
Railguns are primitive projectile weapons that accelerate microprojectiles to massive speeds with magnetic or repulsor fields.

I don't believe it. You could fire this from a speeder bike. Railgun my ass.

- Rez

----------

Mmmmm. Tasty!

But does it make that oh-so-wonderful Zzark! Zzark! sound when you fire it? As opposed to Freeeooow!, the sound of a blaster...

- Abek

----------

It makes, instead, a sound that sounds vaguely like, "I am lame."

Are there any rules out there for a REAL railgun, or will I have to make them too?

- Rez

----------

The problem is it's firing "Microprojectiles". Laaaaaame. We need one that fires shells the size of Volkswagens!

- Abek

----------

Well, they aren't Volkswagen sized, but the one on the Wild Die fires a 10 centimeter durelium round. I just don't know how to build the stats on it...Blearrrrrrrgh.

- Rez

----------

Okay, 10cm is good, but why not 20cm? And durelium? So passé'. Depleted Durelium. Perhaps TRIrellium, or (preferably) Unobtanium. Or perhaps a David Drake style 120cm powergun firing Depleted Unobtanium tipped, Armor piercing, fin stabilizing discarding sabot rounds? Yeah!!! <ahem> Sorry, I got kind of caught up there for a moment. (Each individual munition should also be droid brain guided... With a small one use Hyperdrive to send them superluminal.)

Supposedly sometime soonish we're going to be invading an imperial research station where they have a harnessed singularity. Now that's the kind of destructive force we need to strive for! I don't think Singularity Torpedoes are out of the question, do you?

I'm sure PalpaDave would have a problem with it. He's just so unreasonable sometimes. Heh.

Stat-wise, I'd probably try to find a good balance, if you want PalpaDave to consider it. The fact that it only does 3D damage is compensated by the fact that Starship Shielding won't stop the round. That's a HUGE advantage, as most starships have a hull of around 2D-3D. Bump the damage code up to 4D and you're talking a better than even chance of punching a hole in the hull of 75% of the ships out there. To do so, though I'd come up with an amusing side effect - the mag coils mess with nearby electronics, so you have to spend a chunk of cash to "harden" any equipment within say 10 feet of the coils, or pfffft! They're flatlined on firing.

I dig it.

- Abek

----------

Hey,

Since you all feel the need to plot behind my back, I am going to enforce the seldom used Emperor's Start-Over Protocol.....everyone will be making new, first level characters on Sunday. Ha HA HAh Ha.....I rule the Star Wars Universe my friends........

- Emperor PalpaDave

----------

Okay, the revolution has begun. I'LL be running the game on Sunday, Gentlebeings. The first adventure? "Abek takes over the Universe"! The Emperor himself is no match for my illegal holovid empire!!!

No? Okay, fine...

- Abek

----------

NooOOOOoooOOOOOOOoooooOOOO

Well, maybe it won't be so bad. As long as I get dibs on the force sensitive litigation/assassin droid.

- Ferdinand

----------

Oh yeah, a droid campaign. I get to be OIC-U812, the mercenary chef droid! Fear my Leet pastry skillz!

Trust me PalpaDave, we can make munchkin characters at first level, too!

- Abek

----------

Next, on Detonite Chef...

"Fukui-san, what is OIC-U812 preparing now?"
"Well, Ota, it looks like.. yes! Yes, it's a thermal detonator!"
"But Fukui-san, aren't those prohibited on the Detonite Chef arena?"
"Um.. gotta go."

- Ferdinand

----------

RESET!!! RESET!!! RESET!!!

Push the button PalpaDave . . .

Take away all their points, money and stuff, but leave their enemies and earned infamy.

They've been plotting ever since I left the group. There's nobody to keep them all in line anymore!

- Captain Blip

----------

Keep us IN LINE?! You stole the ship! You. Stole. The. Ship.

The one with all the good stuff in it. We had to steal all new good stuff!

- Ferdinand

----------

Captain Blip,

Since when did you ever keep anyone in line????? I mean your blaster waving skills were impressive, but I don't think anyone really ever took it seriously.

The Universal Reset Button has been pushed [thanks Rez], and I am now taking requests for new character templates.....no assassin droids Ferdinand.

- Emperor PalpaDave

----------

Wait wait wait, are we really pushing the URB? I mean, it's cool and all, but are we being serious? Have we actually pushed the URB, or has the Patented Plastic Safety Cover merely been flipped and PalpaDave's finger is hovering over said button?

- Ferdinand

----------

Ha. PalpaDave. Ha.

"I sense a great disturbance in the force, as though a thousand minds suddenly cried out for tech support, and were silenced."

CRITICAL STOP. The universe you are attempting to access was improperly shut down. Please wait while the Star System recovery program checks for errors. This may take several hours.

- Abek

----------

*cough*

Wait, so what the hell happened?

This wasn't all as a result of me asking Abek about railguns, was it?

- Rez

----------

PalpaDave's just messing with us. 'Salright.

He knows that if he starts over, it will only get worse for him... Ha!

- Abek

----------

I didn't steal the ship since it was already mine. I just chose to disembark without my crew. They were so lazy to begin with and they were always bitching, I figure I'd set out on my own and let them sort out all those issues on their own. When they'd solved their internal problems (and became a better crew) I'll stop by and pick them up.

Most of your stuff was on the ship, yes I'll admit that. Most of that stuff is still on the ship. I sold some of your stuff, but only to maintain the ship, since I couldn't dock your pay for it.

Don't worry I'll be back and my crew better be ready.

- Captain Blip

----------

Don't worry, we'll be ready.

- Rez

----------

Suffice it to say, I hope Blip's been practicing his Dodge skill...

"Hey guys! I'm back! How's th..."

Zzark! Zzzark! Freeeeeoow! Blam!

"...What?! Aren't you happy to see m..."

Zot! Zot! Dakka Dakka Dakka! (sorry, wrong universe.)

:)

- Abek

----------

It's only the wrong universe until we get those railguns finished. You know, the BlipZot 1634-Alpha

- Rez

----------

They problem is probably from the fact that PalpaDave finally found out how much money you have, and worse, where you got it.

- Captain Blip

----------

I'll have you all know that I have a lot less money than you think, and I know I have less money than the damned drug dealer.

Man, your kind is the RUIN of the entire Jawa culture.

- Rez

----------

It's not my fault that I have very shrewd and crafty business practices. (Like not reminding PalpaDave what I paid for an item four adventures previously) Unless I can sell it for 5-10x what I paid for it, it's not a good deal.

I have yet to break the million credit mark with any character other than Grod. Not to say I'm not trying though! "Six hundred thousand, nine hundred and seventy, six hundred thousand nine hundred and eighty, six hundred thou..."

- Abek

----------

By making all the other characters hate Blip and scheme against him, he was able to unit the group so that he could manipulate them to his own twisted means.

Or, maybe he was just really delusional.

Either way he's way too dangerous.

- Captain Blip

----------

Not for long.

- Rez

----------

You know there is still 3 kilos or Ryll in one of the droids . . .

- Captain Blip

----------

Yeah, which is in THE SHIP THAT YOU STOLE!

- Rez

----------

SHHHH! SHHHH!!!! Don't tell PalpaDave where I hide my stash! <Abek grabs the Treadwell, and disappears down the corridor>

-Abek

----------

Okay, two things:

One, Abek, you didn't carbon PalpaDave on the last few messages. Who's plotting now?

Two, Abek, BRING BACK MY FUCKING DROID!

For goodness sake, there's a damn Still running through the hyperdrive, Ryll in my treadwell, and who knows WHAT Ferdinand is using Slisstack's shockboxing gloves for...

- Rez

----------

Hey, look, I ain't tellin', but I tell you damn what -- I ain't doin that in the shower again.

- Ferdinand

----------

Oh, I'm continually plotting. Sometimes it's good to spread disinformation to the imperials. Then when we go in a totally different direction, he's totally off guard, and easily manipulated...

- Abek

----------

Okay, one thing:

Abek, this time you carbon copied PalpaDave. Did you mean to? :)

- Rez

----------

Maybe... It could be a sub plot to feed misinformation to the crew about feeding misinformation to the empire about plotting to feed misinformation to the...

Oh hell, I've gone cross-eyed.

- Abek

----------

Of course he did, he's not trying to mess with PalpaDave, he's messing with you!

- Captain Blip

----------

That's it fellows, time to think about new characters that will start the game already joined with the rebellion. The URB has been pushed!!!!

I AM IN CHARGE HERE!!!!!

- Emperor PalpaDave

----------

Wait, Aliester is PalpaDave?

Oops.

- Rez

----------

Wait a sec, I just stepped out to do another experiment and I get back and there's this e-mail about the URB.

Did PalpaDave find out about those games you've been playing without a GM? No wonder he's hitting the URB.

- Captain Blip

----------

Okay, will you people PLEASE STOP CARBON COPYING PALPADAVE!!!!!!!?

- Rez

----------

Crap, sorry Rez, .. did that message about the mouse droid dual-wielding holdout disruptors get to PalpaDave? Man, I hope not. We'd be in serious trouble.

- Ferdinand